Ouch...that's gotta hurt

So, there are so many reasons why "What Would Janice Do?" at the El Rey blew really hard last night.

It actually started off pretty promising, the Victoria Gotti/Donatella Versace look-alikes populating the crowd, vampy Bobby Trendy and his self-important crew trying to snag the absolute best seats possible and at this point, I must ask if you've ever seen the El Rey, because all the seats are basically the same. There were also a bunch of America's Next Top Model wannabes running around, probably hoping for a photo-op. I have to say that same of them were appropriately stunning. It's not that often that a woman can make me seem short and fat, but these chicks did impress.

I should have known when the lame "dj" (for lack of a better word) started "performing" (putting on cd's and doing the whole "white-girl-upper-body-sway-dance" that I've always found so, so charming). OK, now, I'm definitely not a DJ myself, and I'm not a music snob in the least, but if your job could just as easily be done by a mix cd, then I have no use for you. I think it was at this point that my friend, Mike, remarked that he was probably the only black person in the room, except for a woman he saw on the way in.

Then, we saw Kimberly Stewart arrive. Of course, she and her crew were friends with the lame girl dj. When the few paparazzi that were actually there saw her, they came over to take pictures, which was the cue for her lame hangers-on to start posing all annoying-like, hanging all over each other like the lame-o Kimberly Stewart groupies that they were.

It was at that point that I remarked to Mike that I was pretty sure I was the only woman in her twenties in the room who had a college degree.

It went downhill from there.

Janice came out over half an hour late, a nervous (I'm assuming), coked-up wreck. It was soooo not fun to watch. For whatever reason, they had tried to get Janice to memorize a script and she was freaking out because she kept forgetting the script, which was really frustrating to watch because SHE ACTUALLY LIVED IT AND COULDN'T REMEMBER HOW THE STORY WENT. After the first costume change, which came after about 10 minutes of Janice's nervous rambling, Kimberly Stewart and her crew RAN out, leaving their lame dj friend to fend for herself. Ha. I liked that part. After the second costume change, we jetted.

From what I understand Janice later fell.

So, if you're wondering what Janice would do, please, remember...do as she says, not as she does.

That is all. I'm lowering my ANTM flag to half-mast.